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A human's chalkboard assignments |
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| This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her.1. I will not bathe my master after he bathes himself in the mud puddle.2. I will not drag my master from the interesting sniffing spots.3. I will not complain "My arm is tired" after only throwing the ball 20 times.4. I will not confuse my master by throwing snowballs for him to fetch.5. I will not ask my master to play fetch with a boomerang.6. I will drop whatever I'm doing and take my master out as soon as he asks me to.7. I will get rid of those cats.8. I will not tell my master to hurry up already when he's looking for just the right spot to take care of business.9. I will make ice cream often and let my master lick the blades (rather than having to steal a lick or two).10. I will never eat until my master has tasted what I have and approved it for me.11. I will set up the kiddie pool every day it's hot - even in December.12. I will not leave my master at home any time I go in the car.13. I will share everything I eat with my master.14. I will allow my master on the couch.15. I will protect my master from that obnoxious little human thing at all times.16. I will not have another of those obnoxious little human things.17. I will not hide my master's ball in a place where I know he couldn't possibly retrieve it from and then ask him to go get it.18. I will not sneak around the backyard wearing funny clothes to test whether my master is a good watchdog.19. I will realize that all my guests are really coming to massage and stroke the master.20. I will stop referring to my master's necklace as her "collar."21. I will not cut my master's nails.22. I will not take shredded, soggy, yummy tennis balls away from my master.23. I will not abandon my master for trivial reasons like "going to work".24. I will not wake my master when I come home from work.25. My master's desires are always paramount. My master's wish is my command.26. I will not bring home any more cats.27. I will not stare while my master is doing his business.28. Bad weather is no excuse for not walking my master.29. I will open the back door as soon as my master sits by it.30. I will not laugh at my master for being confused over not being able to find the lump of ice that he buried earlier.31. I will let my master bring the rear end of a mouse which the cat kindly gave him to chew onto the lounge room carpet.32. I will not push my master away when she wants a hug after playing in a mud puddle.33. I will give my masters chewies that last throughout that stupid kid's entire piano practice.34. I will not feed the cat before I feed my masters.35. I will not enter shows held in horse barns and expect my master to be obedient.36. Dog bladders are not large.37. I will not yell at my master for creating "chew toys" from found objects.38. I will not run out of treats.39. I will {make a turkey/stuff a stocking/buy lots of presents} for my master.40. I will not make my master wear silly-looking antlers or red hats.41. I will not make my master pose for pictures with some fat stranger in a red suit.42. I will not tie leftover ribbons and bows all over my master.43. I will not use decorations like tinsel that could be dangerous to my master.44. I will try much harder to understand my master's language.45. I will not chase my master around yelling come! when he is socializing.46. The ornaments on the trees are balls. Really.47. I will not ask my master to retire to his crate anymore.48. Give and leave it are useless request, so I will stop using them.49. I will always carry cookies and treats.50. I will never go socializing with other canines without my master.51. I will not take my master back to that horrid SPCA; she says it is a Christmas party but I'm afraid she'll leave me there.52. I will not order my master to get up out of the nice snow when he is obviously making snow angels and giving himself a coat conditioning.53. I will give up any idea of dieting as it could wreck my master's nice comfy "chair".54. I promise to leave all doors and windows in the house open as my masters might need to make a quick exit to eradicate cats from the yard.55. I will not come home from work and feel the sofa to see if it is still warm from where my master was sleeping "illegally". |
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