Three very tough mice: Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I

Worries about mad cow disease: There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields.The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some

The story of the bats: Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood.""We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't kno

Never talk to the parrot: Mrs. Peterson phoned the repairman because her dishwasher quit working. He couldn't accommodate her with an "after-hours" appointment and since she had to go to work, she told him, "I'll leave the key

I'll use my Seeing Eye dog: There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tr

Steven Wright on dogs: The other day, I was walking my dog around my building...on the ledge. Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.I had a dog once. I spilled spot remover on him, and now he's gon

No, you should eat your fingers separately: Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

Look at the orange mama laid: Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?A: Look at the orange mama laid.

He was going to make a long-distance caw: Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.

We serve anyone: Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.

Why do seagulls live near the sea: Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.