"Fly eh? Ha! My foot!": A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just

A burglar is in big trouble: Burglar has just made it into the house he's intending ransacking, and he's looking around for stuff to steal. All of a sudden, a little voice pipes up, "I can see you, and so can Jesus!"Startled, the

A human's chalkboard assignments: This list of chalkboard assignments may be used for your human when he does not behave well. The below variations and choices will help you pick an assignment for him/her.1. I will not bathe my master

An amazing talking dog: A man and his dog walk into a bar. The man proclaims, "I'll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk."Bartender: "Yeah! Sure...go ahead."Man: "What covers a house?"Dog: "Roof!"Man: "How does san

Instrument flying guide for animal lovers: Having detailed the concept of attitude control, there is another method, which you may prefer. For reasons that will become apparent, it is recommended for those pilots whose airplanes have large, ea

Two roaches having a discussion: Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley when one engages a discussion about a new restaurant."I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotles

This is one smart dog: A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into

I think that I'm a chicken: Psychiatrist: What's your problem?Patient: I think I'm a chicken.Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

Cat technical support problems: This is an actual account by a worker at a technical support and service center. One particular customer had an old console-type machine with a print head that would ride back and forth on a spiral sh

This dog is acting badly: While waiting for a bus, the blind man's dog decided to go to the bathroom all over the blind man's legs.A passerby commented to the blind man, "What! That dog just went to the bathroom all over your

Investigating a terrible accident: There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey, which was on board, and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no r