Dumb drunk: A guy walks into a bar and he orders a whiskey. He sits down and just before he takes a sip of his whiskey a guy runs in and says, “Bill! Your house burnt down!

Drunken fat chance: A policeman stops a motorist and says, ''Excuse me sir, have you been drinking?'' The motorist says, ‘‘why, have I got a fat girl next to me?''

Drunken confession: Two drunks are at a bar, drinking up a storm. One drunk says to the other drunk, “Did you sleep with my wife last night?”To which the other drunk replies, “Not a wink

Drunk driver: A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a Breathalyzer. ''I can't do that, officer.'' ''Why not?'' ‘‘because I'm an asth

Drunk at your door: A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock on the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock -- it's half-past three in the morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time", he thinks, and

Drug used to seduce men: Men, please read this if you go to bars or clubs:Guys, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from a girl. There is a drug called "beer" that is essentially in liquid form. The most eff

Drink this in memory of me: The bartender was washing his glasses when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully, and asked for a sip of I

Do you have any nails?: A woman walks in a bar and asks the bartender if he has any peanuts. He says no. She comes back the next day with the same question and gets the same answer. She then comes back another day and asks h

Control freaks: Three men are at a bar, and two of the men are talking about the control they have over their wives, while the third remains silent. After a while, the first two men turn to the third and ask, "What a

Celtic mortality: Q: What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: One less drunk.

Californiacation: A Texan, a Californian and a Seattlite were all drinking in a bar. After a while, the Texan grabbed a bottle of tequila, threw it in the air and shot it into a thousand pieces. "Don't you boys worry a