Heartburn: A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Bartender, bartender, I would like a Marmots."The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks i

THE DRUNK: There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man's wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.One day the wife cut up

Yaw Want to Find Jesus?: A drunk man stumbled into a church where there were baptisms being performed. The priest noticed him and asked him if he wanted to find Jesus. "Sure," said the drunken man."I'll find Jesus."So the pri

Round for the house: A drunk walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender? A ROUNDS FOR THE HOUSE, and have one yourself, too!" The crowd cheers, the bartender pours and passes out the drinks, then knocks back a shot hims

Selling the Wife: A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened."I did a terrible thing

The Bar: A man walks into a bar. Pretty soon another man walked into the bar. the first man asked the second "Oh you didn't see it either?"

Bar Tab in Alaska: It's forty below zero one-winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab.""Sorry," says Pat

Toilet Hygiene: Gary and Lorne were standing at the urinals in a public lavatory, when Gary glanced over and noticed that Lorne's penis was twisted like a corkscrew. "Wow," Gary said."I've never seen one like that be

New Gorilla in Bar: A black man enters a bar with his gorilla. He says to the bartender, "I would like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend here."The bartender looks at him like he's nuts and says, " I sorry but

I'm Only Tribute: A man moves from Ireland to New York City, leaving two of his best friends behind to make it in America. To keep there tradition of nightly drinks alive, every night he goes into an Irish-style pub an

Sick of Her: Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he's going to divorce his wife."Good grief," says Jim, "you and Sue are the happiest couple I know! Why on earth would you want