Hank's Beard: Best friends, Minnie and Hank, are in their local bar, having a few drinks. Minnie leans over and starts stroking Hank's beard. Minnie says, "Your face feels just like my wife's pussy

Poor farmer: A farmer is sitting in the village pub getting pissed. A man comes in and asks the farmer, 'Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?' Farmer: 'Some things you just can't expl

Man with no arms: An armless man walked into a bar, which is empty except for the bartender. He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since

The Asylum Loonies..: One night in the bar, the owner is lamenting the fact that business is so quiet on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays.As he moans to some of the regulars a stranger, dressed in a tweed jacket and weari

Heartburn: A very inebriated lady walked into a bar shortly before closing time, sat at the bar and ordered, "Bartender, bartender, I would like a Marmots."The bartender brought her a Martini, which she drinks i

THE DRUNK: There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man's wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.One day the wife cut up

Yaw Want to Find Jesus?: A drunk man stumbled into a church where there were baptisms being performed. The priest noticed him and asked him if he wanted to find Jesus. "Sure," said the drunken man."I'll find Jesus."So the pri

Round for the house: A drunk walks into a bar and says loudly, "Bartender? A ROUNDS FOR THE HOUSE, and have one yourself, too!" The crowd cheers, the bartender pours and passes out the drinks, then knocks back a shot hims

Selling the Wife: A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened."I did a terrible thing

The Bar: A man walks into a bar. Pretty soon another man walked into the bar. the first man asked the second "Oh you didn't see it either?"

Bar Tab in Alaska: It's forty below zero one-winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab.""Sorry," says Pat