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The College Food Chain |
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| THE DEANLeaps tall buildings in a single bound.Is more powerful than a locomotive.Is faster than a speeding bullet.Walks on water.Gives policy to God. THE DEPARTMENT HEADLeaps short buildings in a single bound.Is more powerful than a switch engine.Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.Talks with God. PROFESSORLeaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.Is faster than a speeding BB.Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.Talks with God if a special request is honored. ASSOCIATE PROFESSORBarely clears a Quonset hut.Loses tug of war with a locomotive.Can fire a speeding bullet.Swims well.Is occasionally addressed by God. ASSISTANT PROFESSORMakes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings.Is run over by locomotives.Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.Treads water.Talks to animals. INSTRUCTORClimbs walls continually.Rides the rails.Plays Russian Roulette.Walks on thin ice.Prays a lot. GRADUATE STUDENTRuns into buildings.Recognizes locomotives two out of three times.Is not issued ammunition.Can stay afloat with a life jacket.Talks to walls. UNDERGRADUATE STUDENTFalls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings.Says "Look at the choo-choo".Wets himself with a water pistol.Plays in mud puddles.Mumbles to himself THE DEPARTMENT SECRETARYLifts tall buildings and walks under them.Kicks locomotives off the track.Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them.Freezes water with a single glance.She IS God. |
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