DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?: It was the final examination for an introductory Biology course at the local university. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 500 students in the clas

ENGLISH IS A STUPID LANGUAGE: Let's face it, English is a stupid language. There is no egg in the eggplant. No ham in the hamburger. And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England. And Fr

COLLEGE HABITS TO BRING HOME: 1. Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.2. Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.3. Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.4. Walk two blocks to go to dinner.5. For

BEEN IN COLLEGE TOO LONG WHEN...: You consider McDonald's "real food." You actually like doing laundry at home.4:00 AM is still early on the weekends.It starts getting late on the weeknights.Two miles is not too far to walk for a part

ORGAN THAT EXPANDS TEN TIMES: Sixth grade science teacher Mrs. Samson asks her class: "Who can tell me which organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated?" Nobody raises a hand, so she calls on the fi

RULES FOR COLLEGE ROOMMATES: 1. If someone calls while you are on the phone, do not answer the call waiting signals, after all your conversation to your boyfriend's, cousin's, sister's, ex-best friend's, father-in-law's, stepson

FUN THINGS TO DO ON FIRST DAY OF CLASS: 1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!" 2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus the overhead projecto

DOLLARS EQUAL TEN CENTS: Theorem: 1$ = 10 centProof:We know that $1 = 100 centsDivide both sides by 100$ 1/100 = 100/100 cents=> $ 1/100 = 1 centTake square root both side=> squr($1/100) = squr (1 cent)=> $ 1/10 = 1 cent Mult

IMPROVE YOUR ENGLISH WRITING TIPS: 1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.3. Employ the vernacular.4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) ar

ARE YOU READY FOR COLLEGE?: The below quiz will help you to determine if you are truly ready to attend college. Answer all questions below choosing one of the multiple choice answers for each question as your answer. 1) You have

FUN THINGS FOR PROFESSORS ON FIRST DAY OF CLASS: 1. Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours. 2. Point the overhead projector at the class. Demand each stud

BURGER JOINT CONVERSATIONS NATIONWIDE: M.I.T.: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend.""Have some fries." Caltech: "I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend.""Have some fries."Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today.""Have some f

KNOWLEDGE PILLS: A somewhat advanced society has figured out how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available.The

THREE IS EQUAL TO FOUR: Theorem: 3=4Proof: Suppose:a + b = cThis can also be written as:4a - 3a + 4b - 3b = 4c - 3cAfter reorganizing:4a + 4b - 4c = 3a + 3b - 3cTake the constants out of the brackets:4 * (a+b-c) = 3 * (a+b-c

Difference: Q: What's the difference between a condom and a coffin? A: They both hold stiffs, but one's coming and one's going!

Elephant Man: Q. What did the elephant say to the naked man? A. How do you breathe through that thing?

Crush, Lust, or Love: Q: Whats the difference between a crush, lust, and love? A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling!

Letter: Dear Mother and Dad, It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to

Teaching makes for a hurried course: What's the difference between a well-brushed equine and rapid teaching? A well-brushed equine is a curried horse while rapid teaching makes for a hurried course.

A doctor-it degree.: What do you call an advanced degree in sensationalistic journalism? A doctor-it degree.

Teaching Math in...: Teaching Math in 1950: A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit? Teaching Math in 1960: A logger sells a truckload o

Pickles: Why don't Purdue athletes eat pickles? They can't get their heads in the jar.

Nowledge: What does the N on the Nebraska football helmet stand for? "Nowledge."

Alphabetize them: How do you keep an Oklahoma State student busy for a month? Give him a package of M & M's and tell him to alphabetize them.

GIRLFRIEND: Sent by a friend: I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately.I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies1.0 forever as