CHILDREN: Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating Heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And th

ONLY CRAYON: Coming out of the shower i grab a towel and begin to dry my face. something smells funny so i pull the towel off to investigate. staring me in the face is a long, thick brown streak. my heart skips a

TAKE A HIKE: Don't you hate it when you're just getting into your "productive zone" and a family member interrupts with some fool project that threatens to derail your whole day?Case in point: This weekend I'm set

A GIFT FOR HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW: Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one. "What is it?""My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of

RESISTING ARREST: A boy and his father are playing with toy cars; the father has the police car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with."Do you have a driver’s license?" asks the father."No," say

MURPHY'S LAWS FOR PARENTS: 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.2. Leak proof thermoses will.3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down are directly proportional to

NEW AGE LULLABY: Hush little baby don't you squallMomma's gonna buy you a crystal ball.And if you still can't see beyondMomma's gonna buy you a magic wand.And if that wand don't change your fateMomma's gonna teach you

FAMILY HISTORY: One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks.Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why God sent you, Honey.""And did God send you too, M

HAM SANDWICH: As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried

A TEENAGER IS...: - A person who can't remember to walk the dog but never forgets a phone number.- A weight watcher who goes on a diet by giving up candy bars before breakfast.- A youngster who receives her allowance o

PUNISHMENT TO FIT THE CRIME: One day mom was cleaning junior’s room and in the closet she found a bondage S+M magazine. This was highly upsetting for her.She hid the magazine until his father got home and showed it to him.He look