POLITICAL CORRECTNESS FOR TEENAGERS: No one fails a class anymore; he's merely "passing impaired." You don't have detention; you're just one of the

THINGS A FATHER WILL NEVER SAY: * Well how 'bout that? I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.* You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?* I

THINGS YOUR MOM WOULD NEVER SAY: * How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?* Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too.* Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery.* Let me smell that shirt. Yeah, i

DEFINITION OF A TEENAGER: Teenager (noun)1) A mammal found extensively throughout the planet, often clustered in groups in front of television sets. Thought to be a member of Homo sapiens due to physical similarities, though s

CHILDREN: Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to God's kids. After creating Heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And th

ONLY CRAYON: Coming out of the shower i grab a towel and begin to dry my face. something smells funny so i pull the towel off to investigate. staring me in the face is a long, thick brown streak. my heart skips a

TAKE A HIKE: Don't you hate it when you're just getting into your "productive zone" and a family member interrupts with some fool project that threatens to derail your whole day?Case in point: This weekend I'm set

A GIFT FOR HIS MOTHER-IN-LAW: Two guys were talking at work. "I've got a problem," said the first one. "What is it?""My wife has done it to me again. I'm supposed to buy my mother-in-law a present for her birthday, from the two of

RESISTING ARREST: A boy and his father are playing with toy cars; the father has the police car and pretends to pull over the car that the boy is playing with."Do you have a driver’s license?" asks the father."No," say

MURPHY'S LAWS FOR PARENTS: 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.2. Leak proof thermoses will.3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down are directly proportional to

NEW AGE LULLABY: Hush little baby don't you squallMomma's gonna buy you a crystal ball.And if you still can't see beyondMomma's gonna buy you a magic wand.And if that wand don't change your fateMomma's gonna teach you