Bucket: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of s***?The bucket.

Big: What do lawyers and Bullfrogs have in common?Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.

Rope: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?Cut the rope.

Bicycle: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you never swerve to hit him? It might be your bicycle.

Pit bull: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.

Creed: Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.

Common: What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.

Doberman: What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.

Skid: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?There are skid marks in front of the dog.

Tick: What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?A tick falls off of you when you die.

Clients: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.